The Shepard Files
by girl undone
Summary: If the Shadow Broker has a dossier on Commander Rachel Shepard, it would look something like this. Rated for language.


Commander Rachel Ayelet Shepard. Former Systems Alliance Commander, rank N7. Current Special Tactics and Reconnaissance (Spectre). Exceptionally persuasive and cunning. Leadership skills exemplary. Conscience and morality worrisome. Awaiting confirmation of functionality (one year post-resurrection).

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**Partial transcript of conversation recorded on Illium:**

Rachel Shepard**:** Omigod, Garrus, it's so big!

Garrus Vakarian: Well, yeah...

RS: And blue!

GV: You've never seen a blue one before?

RS: Never.

RS: I wouldn't even know what to do with it!

GV: I'm sure you could think of something.

GV: Uh... Shepard? You're staring...

RS: It's just... amazing. I've never seen anything like it.

GV: Really? Well, hey, I'm the first, I guess.

RS: You are. A blue rose. Thank you.

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**Recent Transactions:**

BOOK DOWNLOAD: Insomnia: How to Survive on Less than Four Hours of Sleep a Night

BOOK DOWNLOAD: I Died and Survived! A True Account Of Solange Fachon's Clinically Dead Experience

BOOK DOWNLOAD: Letting Them Down Gently: A Human Female's Guide to Rejecting Sexual Advances for All Known Species

BOOK DOWNLOAD: Turning on Turians: Beyond Flexibility

BOOK DOWNLOAD: Understanding Turian Body Language

BOOK DOWNLOAD: Homer's Epics in Turian, Complete and Unabridged: The Iliad and The Odyssey

BOOK DOWNLOAD: The Complete Pictorial Guide to Turian Clan Tattoos

VIDEO DOWNLOAD: FLEX! Advanced Yoga Positions

VIDEO DOWNLOAD: The Sights and Sounds of Palaven: Citadel Space Geographic Special Edition

VIDEO DOWNLOAD: Doctor Mordin' Solus' Guide to Turian Anatomy

VIDEO DOWNLOAD: Fleet and Flotilla

VIDEO DOWNLOAD: C-Sec

SOFTWARE DOWNLOAD: English-to-Turian VI

CATALOG ORDER: Jormangund Technology

PURCHASE 10.04: Nixie 1981 Personal Terminal (replacement; original cannot be salvaged)

CATALOG ORDER: Citadel Value and Service Pharmaceuticals

PURCHASE 12.10: Instant Dextro Allergy Scratch Test

PURCHASE 12.11: Anti-Chafing Cream, dozen tubes.

PURCHASE 12.12: Anasterohistamene, 90 day supply, unlimited refills

PURCHASE 12.13: Epi-Pen, 30 count.

CATALOG ORDER: Forever 201

PURCHASE 08.28: Negligee, bra, and panty set, cobalt blue and white lace, reinforced dura-weave silk

CATALOG ORDER: MAC Cosmetics

Purchase 10.27: Paint Pot, Thessian Sapphire Seas

Purchase 10.28: Paint Pot, Peak 15 Whiteout

Purchase 10.29: 187 Duo Fibre Brush

CATALOG ORDER: Masquerade Costumes LTD

Purchase 19.64: Batman Cape, adult turian male

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**Partial Email, Unsent, Jormangund Technology Nixie 1981 Personal Terminal, Normandy SR2**

Re: About Horizon

-Begin New Message, 107 previous replies saved and unsent

How dare you! Get this through your head, Alenko: I DO NOT FUCKING LOVE YOU AND NEVER HAVE!

-Line Erase

I used you, all right? I used you and you were too blind to see it. You always had me on some fucking pedestal and I don't deserve to be on one. Please move on.

-Line Erase

Kaidan, I don't feel the same way. Please, just go and be happy. Move on.

-Line Erase

I don't fucking this need right now. I have a job to do and your email is just really bad timing. I don't love you. Stop loving me. I used you. I used you and I hate myself for it. Hate me too, all right? Please, just hate me too. I can't take your hero-worship anymore. I don't deserve it and I don't want it. I should have never started this in the first place. I never wanted you. I wanted to go to sleep. How could you possibility ever understand this? You can't. You don't think like this. You keep all your emotions bottled up, you always leave a way out, you try to act perfect all the time and I can't fucking stand it. I'm not perfect, I never was, and I never will be. Get it through your head! I'm a fuck up! I fuck up a lot! People have died under my command! Why are you so fucking blind? Why can't you forget me and leave me alone? Why do you

-Critical Terminal Malfunction

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A/N: MAC Cosmetics is owned by Estee Lauder. All other companies mentioned either exist in the Bioware Mass Effect World (ex. Jormangund Technology) or are clever mockeries of real companies like Forever 21 and CVS Pharmacy, none of which I own. Credit where it's due: Everyone is a Monster wrote the first Shepard dossier that I know of. I'm just a lemming.


End file.
